Hide Mir - Again!

It's official.


I miss you.


Weird how things happen huh...

RFS - Reminiscings from Selfistan

There's a part of me that loves this constant moving around;
There's a part of me that hates it.
That hates having to say goodbye and not knowing when we'll see each other next.
But that also loves that anticipation of not knowing. Of not knowing who I'll be, who you'll be, who we'll be, what we'll be, where we'll be. That sort of thing.

There's a part of me that misses you - you person, you life, you lifestyle, you dream and dreams - that misses what I had become, what I was becoming, and what I had left behind.

And now that I have found what I had left behind, albeit in a different form, I miss having left it behind and having walked away, maybe run away.

I miss the late nights spent poring over words - my words, your words, our words, his words, her words. Words written. Words spoken. Words hidden. Words open.

I miss the late nights that will remain unremembered. Hidden somewhere beneath the layers of ash, beneath layers of that which is ever-forgiving, ever-haunting, ever-losing. That which intoxicates, toxicates, makes us sing words uttered by God and written by Man, makes us want to reach out and be yours, makes us want to stop and stop and stop until nothing remains.

I miss the late nights spent wide awake, staring. Or listening. Or dreaming. Or screaming.

I miss the last few days, when late nights turned into glorious mornings. And glorious mornings turned into sad afternoons, that turned into relaxing evenings and boisterous nights that turned into glorious sunrises, with a little headache.

And now. I sit here rambling. Uncertain. Of where I stand, or sit.

Waiting for another glorious morning - just like that (almost) penultimate one.

Resigned Laughter

Home.

(Laughs)

I no longer know how to define it.

Who knew 8 months could do this to you.

Yay for Me!

I'm DONE my first year of grad school, and my REQUIRED courses!

All that remains for this degree is to write my thesis and defend it (still going to take courses though, the nerd that I am).

Have some fab extra-curricular things lined up for next year that I'm excited about. Oh. I love this.

Also very emotional right now. Partly because of being done, the move back home for a couple weeks and then to India, people leaving etc etc...

But it's worth it. Oh So Worth It.

It's days like these. The ones that make you work your @$$ off for them, that make it worth living and being and acting.

Now if only I get the other thing I want right now...But. That's not up to me to decide. I guess we wait...

A Housewife During Exams...

It's quite amusing actually. My internal housewife leaps out of its shell when I have exams to study for and papers to write - well, it comes out then, and when I have people over. But, back to the topic before I digress even further. My place is usually clean - a bit messy because of the lack of storage space, but clean nonetheless. I don't like living in dirt, so I make sure I clean up after myself. Also, the one time I left food on the counter, I was visited by a not-so-nice 'roach - it probably came up with my laundry, or through the window that I'd left open when I went to bed, or through the newly-created hole in the bathroom wall where my cabinet had previously hung (it fell onto me - not fun). So, after that incident, I've been doubly careful to make sure everything's in its proper place.

Anyway, but it's quite amusing. During the past week, I've cleaned - nay, scrubbed - my bathroom three times, cleaned dishes that didn't need cleaning, semi-organized my closet, and hand-washed a bathroom rug and jeans that leak colour. I've also been cooking regularly.

I never used to make pilaf, for some reason - but I recently discovered the wonders of making this rice dish. It's probably one of the most versatile and easy dishes to cook. Also, it's great if you have no food in the fridge. I'm leaving the city in a couple days, and haven't bothered to go grocery shopping. The other day, I made a kidney beans/lentils/carrots version. Today, it's rice with a bunch of different spices. There's something amazing about slow cooking the food. Heat up some oil, cook your spices (today: cumin, mustard seeds, cardamom, cinnamon, chilli powder, turmeric, salt), add rice, coat rice with oil/spices, add some hot water, garnish (curry leaves, lemon, ghee) and cover. And then slow cook until the water is absorbed and the rice has cooked. The smell that wafts out is truly amazing.

Mmmm. Looking forward to lunch.

Now. Back to Iqbal and studying for this exam. I'll be DONE with my first year of grad school, and my Required course work in 9 hours!

wow...

And I Can See the Finish Line...

Well, the finish line for this revolution around the track at least...

53 pages worth of papers handed in over 3 days. Two Urdu exams to go!

Paper-Love

I remember the days when I found it difficult to write ten-page papers. Now my introduction is 5 pages, my theoretical framework is at least 5 and I get depressed when I reach page 20 and realize I need to wrap it up...

Kinda really wanna become an academic so I can just write and write...

But I know it's not what I really want to do...

*nerdy sadness*

back to paper-ing

Jelly-Love

Contrary to what the biologists say, jellies have hearts....

I Think I Can - Phase

One 25pg. paper done, another to go. Only problem? It's 3am; I haven't started writing (thanks to my dataset that took a week to make instead of 2 days, and the other 25 pager that took way too long - I spent two days on the introduction, trying to make it perfect), and it's due by 2pm.

Thank god(s) for professors who force you to hand in outlines and do your research in advance.

Wish me luck!

(How I wish I could just go sit in a bar with a glass of wine and stare at the people around me, listening to snippets of conversation, and losing myself in life). Alas! Such is life...

Picasso/Camera Angst

The way he was sitting, the downward tilt of his head, the arm resting lazily on his knee, and the glass tilted in his hand. The lady in black, in the background leaning towards the man beside her; the bottles at the bar glistening softly, framed by the reddish-brown wood of the shelves. The low lighting, a touch of red contrasting subtly with his jacket.

I thought of Picasso, and how I wished he were there. And in a flash, in an instant, in a moment that is too short to describe, he looked up. And the picture was gone.

Faiz-Love. Part 2 is it?

Naseeb aazmaane ke din aa rahe hain. 

Qareeb un ke aane ke din aa rahe hain.

Sabah phir hamein poochhti phir rahi hai. 

Chaman ko sajaane ke din aa rahe hain.

Chalo Faiz, phir se kahin dil lagaayein. 

Sunaa hai thikaane ke din aa rahe hain.