A Pat on the Back

so it's time for some self praising - something i normally don't do - but i feel as if i need to at this point, just so when i get back to my bad habits i can remember my wonderful past...

my bad habits? no nothing like what you're thinking...i'm a good girl (here is where my friends go *ahem* *ahem*)

but no seriously...i'm pretty good..at least, i think i am

so back on topic...i'm a perpetual procrastinator..seriously - i'm the type that procrastinates about not procrastinating, that gets distracted from distraction by distraction. yes one of those types. and all through out my long school career (that is, if you count preschool and elementary middle and high school and now my Bachelors...) i've done everything at the last minute...from doing my math homework to writing my papers to studying for finals...but i've tended to do quite well ahem...case in point..history 12 exam...studied the nite before...got 98...ya...so...ya

but now..it's quite weird, and i'm quite proud of myself...perhaps more so than the 98....i have a final for my american foreign policy course on thursday..it's one of those 3 week intensive courses where each lecture corresponds to a week of class during regular session. and we have class 4 times a week. ouch?? yup...but..amazingly, even with all my other work, i'm done all my readings...yes all 24 of them...this is the first time EVER that i've been done my readings a couple of days before my exam....and so...a toast (the bread kind of course...:P) to me...


oh yes..and note the new (and improved hopefully) selfistan..i prefer these colours...more subtle..and more me...

that's it for now...ciao, adios, au revoir...and remember...to be born again...first you must die...

Ramblings of a Confused Mind

it falls
softly
silently even
creating an even greater void
between you
and me
us….maybe not
maybe you
maybe me
maybe nobody
for once
it stopped
the rain
that is
and I saw
you standing
there waiting
I think
I hope
Maybe getting ready
To turn away
Or preparing
To come to me
Or neither
Which was probably
The case
But I have
No idea


It’s still falling
Louder now
Bigger drops
No…
Larger drops
Of water
Maybe tears
Ya
Salty tears
The type
That fall without
Cessation
That fall
Without reason
But that’s a lie


As long as it
Continues to rain
Doesn’t snow
The winter and the cold
Don’t come
We’ll stand
Across
From each other
Or possibly
Across from others
Who we don’t know
We don’t want
To know
At least
I don’t
Not now
Not for
A while

Burnt Norton - snippet

Footfalls echo in the memory

Down the passage which we did not take

Towards the door we never opened

Into the rose-garden. My words echo

Thus, in your mind. But to what purpose

Disturbing the dust on a bowl of rose-leaves

I do not know. Other echoes

Inhabit the garden. Shall we follow?

Feeling Hot Hot Hot? Have a Water Fight

Before I start, I need to make something clear. The 'feeling hot hot hot' song is sooo overplayed that it's gotten a bit annoying - although, I love the 'ole ole' part of the song. The reason it's in the title is that it was the first thing I thought about and that it speaks to the hotness of the weather here in V-city. On one day, 6 high-temperature records were set around the province - crazy.

It's been in the high 20s the past 2 weeks or so - no rain whatsoever. The busses and the traffic in the centre of town have been absolutely aweful. It's usually been about 5 degrees hotter inside the busses. Imagine being stuck in traffic in that heat - with no a/c and with people all around you. Harsh. Yes.

So, on Saturday, thanks to the amazingness that is Facebook, V-city's largest waterfight was organized. Around 500 people showed-up over the two hours of the fight - me being one of them. It was absolutely awesome! I don't think I've had this much childish fun for a long time. What impressed me the most was the civility of the people there. Most people barely knew more than 5 others there, but had no problem squirting water at complete strangers. The standers-by were perfectly safe. No-one's camera got wet, neither did their clothes. As well, people followed the only-squirt-those-with-guns rule to a 't'. Needless to say, we got soaked.

After the fight, my friends and I went to the kids water park - still fully clothed (in board shorts and t-shirts though) and splashed around like we were 2-year olds. We got some odd looks from some people, but most had become accustomed to us big kids taking over the waterpark. Where do you think we got all the water for the fight from? It was an amazing Saturday.

The only downside - my sunburnt nose. But, I can live with that.

That's it for now...ciao, adios, au revoir...and remember...to be born again first you must die...

~me

Ghazal

Kabhi aansoo kabhi khushi bechi
Hum garibon ne bekasi bechi
Chand saanse khareedne ke liye
Roz thodi si zindagi bechi
Ek hum the ke bik gaye khud hi
Varnaa duniya ne dosti bechi

At times I sold tears, at times happiness,
We poor ones sold our helplessness;
To buy a few breaths,
Everyday we sold a bit of our life;
I was the only one who sold myself,
The rest of the world sold their friends.

-Abu Talib

Game, Set, Match Mr. Federer

A packed Centre Court at Wimbledon, 2pm on a Sunday, two men emerge through the green doors. The first, tall and lean, wearing white in the tradition of the All England Lawn and Tennis Club walks with poise, grace and determination. The other, also in white, with his long brown hair almost prances behind the first, his muscles bulging - ready to face the challenge. As they enter the court, the thousands light up and cheer.

Welcome to the Gentlemen's Singles Championship - Mr. R. Federer (1) vs. Mr. R. Nadal (2)

As I watch my favourite sporting event at home, at 6am in the morning, I can't help but wish I were there, watching the two best in the sport at the time and one of the all-time greats (if not the best ever) battle it out for tennis' most prestigious tournament. Even through the screen of the tv, I can sense how momentous this match is for both players. Federer, who I have admired since he ended Sampras' four-title win-streak at Wimbledon in 2001, is playing for his 5th straight title. Bjorn Borg, the same man who phoned Federer after the above match in 2001 to thank the Swiss for preventing Sampras from equalling his 5 straight titles record, is here to watch Federer attempt to do the same.

Nadal, on the other hand, is in the quest for another of Borg's records - that of winning Roland Garros and Wimbledon in the same year - a grueling task. But Nadal, as many say, is made of krypotonite. Never does he seem to falter physically. But he's played here 7 days in a row. Will his body let him down when he needs it most?

The part of me that admires Federer wanted the match to be an easy one for him. Honestly, when this match began, I was not a fan of Nadal. I found his game too physical, devoid of the beauty of the game - the various spin shots, the unthinkable angles, the soft feet, the volleys at net. Whereas Federer has always been a master. After some shots, one can only say 'wow.'

But there was another part of me that wanted to see Federer challenged, that wanted him to have to earn the title, that wanted him to proclaim to the world that he was truly the best in the world and not someone who used his skill to finish off matches quickly, that he could fight and that he could fight when he most needed it. Having lost at the finals of Roland Garros to Nadal two years in a row, and with speculation that Nadal would win Wimbledon before Federer would win Roland Garros, I wanted Federer to show Nadal what he was made of.

The match started well for Federer, with an easy hold and an easy break of serve. But after that, the fighter in Nadal emerged -ready for battle - and Federer was broken. They fought each other to 6-all and Federer emerged from the tiebreak, with his serve, victorious.

1-set to love. Mr. Federer.

The second set was tense. Federer was unable to keep his momentum for long and Nadal pounced. Unable to break Nadal, Federer had to make sure that he held his own serve. But Nadal, always the fighter, pounced like a cat and took the set 6-4.

1-set all.

Third set. When this one started, I was scared. I thought that if Federer lost this one, Nadal would gain enough momentum and pull it out in the fourth. Both players played amazing tennis in this set. For me, not usually the religious type, it was as if god was battling satan for control over paradise. God, the established one, was fighting for his home - which centre court has become for Federer - satan, the rebel, the one with the unorthodox game, was attempting to usurp paradise from god. Both - almost equal - waiting for the other to falter - unable to expel the other one easily - wanting it so much.

Game and Set Mr. Federer. Mr. Federer leads 2-sets to 1.

Fourth set. I thought it was all over for Nadal at this stage. Having watched Roger play since 2001, I've seen him take control of a match at this stage. But Nadal should get credit for the way he came back in the first few games of the set. Serving first after the third-set tiebreak, Rafa held easily. Now it was Federer's turn. He had won the tiebreak with the help of his serve and it was expected that he would hold easily. But Rafa broke him. How? I have no idea. It happened so fast that I was in shock. 2-0. Then 3-0. Wait. It was Nadal who was supposed to be down 3-0. But upon reading the scoreboard again - it was Federer who had faltered. So what happened? It seems as if Federer was unnerved by Hawk-eye. The electronic line machine. Having opposed the implementation of the technology since its inception, Federer became frustrated when the Hawk-eye made a couple of calls against him. Now, Federer has amazing eyes when it comes to calling lines - he rarely makes a mistake. Hawk-eye on the other hand, is 90% correct and has a range of +/- 3 mm. The calls made against Federer were all in this range, and so, it's possible that Federer was correct and Hawk-eye was wrong. Federer went up to the chairperson, demanded that Hawk-eye be turned-off. But the chairperson refused and Federer went back to the baseline. 4-love, fourth set, Mr. Nadal.

Game and Set Mr. Nadal. 2-sets all.

And so, Roger, Rafa, and the thousands of fans prepared for a fifth set. In the four previous years that he'd won Wimbledon, Roger hadn't played a fifth set. No-one had had the ability to push him to one. Rafa had already played two in this particular championship, and with his physical strength and with the momentum he had gained during the fourth set, one wondered whether he'd be able to wrest the championship from Roger. It seemed, as well, that Roger had become somewhat human, and Rafa had elevated himself to semi-god status. Could Roger fight and bring out the best in his tennis game for this occasion? Did he have the fitness and the nerves and the mental strength to win this championship, with so much history involved?

Roger started the fifth set and held serve. And then it was Rafa's turn. He held as well. 1-1. And then, Roger started serving again, and all of a sudden was down 15-40. Double break point to Nadal. Somehow, Roger was able to muster up powerful serves and won the game. 2-1 Roger. And then Nadal held serve again, quite easily. With no tiebreak in the fifth, who would break first? Roger hadn't broken Nadal since the first set. And Nadal had had many chances against Federer. Would Nadal win it? It sure seemed that way. 2-2 Nadal.

Fifth game of the fifth set and again Roger saw himself 15-40 down. I stopped breathing, and it sure sounded as if the spectators at Centre Court had stopped as well. 30-40. Deuce. And finally- Game Federer. 3-2 Roger.

And then the moment I'd been waiting for. Break point Federer. And he did it. Finally. 4-2 Roger. Would he be able to hold again? Yes, yes, YES! 5-2 Federer. Four points away from another spot in the history books. It was Rafa's serve and John McEnroe wondered if Roger would finish it off during this game. Championship point Federer. Deuce. Championship point #2. At this stage, I'm staring intensely at the screen. So engrossed that now I can't even remember whether Roger hit a winner or Nadal hit it into the net. But I remember Roger coming to the net, volleying, and then on his knees. Game Set Match Mr. Federer. Finally. The champion had prevailed, and Nadal would have to wait one more year to win on grass.

I've watched the Gentlemen's finals at Wimbledon every year since I was 5. I saw mortals like Krajicek and Ivanisevic win here, and tennis gods Sampras and Agassi and Federer lift the trophy. I hope Roger wins next year so that he can surpass Borg's record. Before today, I wouldn't have said this but, if Nadal wins the year after, I won't mind - maybe I'll even be glad (perhaps provided that he lets Roger win in Paris)

That's it for now...ciao, adios, au revoir...and remember...to be born again first you must die.

~me

Apathetic Boohoo

why is it that the stuff (not just material obviously) that we want and need most is the stuff we can't have.

it sux

leads to unhappiness

and to pissd-offness

and to odd posts on selfistan

oh and that's an oxymoron - the title of this post

this post isn't really apathetic...

if you hadn't figured that out yet

that's it

no more

not even that one line about being born again

who cares....

(apathy? that line above.....)

who knows....

For the Hell of It

laahdidahh..so i noticed i havent posted in a looooong time, and i don't like my blog to feel unwanted and sad so i need to post something up here but i dont know what to write cuz i have nothing to write about so perhaps this will be a stream of consciousness of sorts one in which periods and paragraphs and commas dont exist nor do apostrophes or colons the grammatical sort and other tools but yes this is going to be an odd post of sorts if you havent already noticed there is perhaps a distinct lack well not perhaps there is definitely going to be a lack of intellectual surmising and discussion and writing and a lot of words maybe not totally sure about that yet well see when the end of this post happens which might happen now or it might happen in 2 lines or maybe never but i doubt that because eventually ill get tired and fall asleep or i might just get bored and walk away and never return but then again i cant function without my computer its kinda sad im way too addicted to it to blogger to facebook to msn to google scholar and online libraries and newspapers and everything else thats on the wonderful world wide web they should call it the wwww instead of the www yay for alliteration reminds me of a particular rhyme i made up one day about a jacket no the alliteration wasnt with the jacket it was with distance and darkness and such but stupid jacket stupid alliteration stupid everything and actually no not stupid everything stupid people who piss me off which is a lot of people and stupid people who say one thing and do another and stupid people yes you who sign off on msn without saying bye who say theyll be back in 2 minutes but never show up stupid selfish people stupid ignorant people who cant make informed decisions about everything from food to political leaders and then we wonder why people like the shrub are in power who do things like invade countries propound orientalist and huntingtonesque philosophies which are so damn wrong because they make our world so freaking divided along lines which exist and will continue to exist but shouldnt what about world peace what about living in harmony and not having the capability to kill yourself and your world who knows how many times over isnt that scary doesnt it freak you out that we have ADVANCED so far that we can murder ourselves and our entire human race within a span of minutes or perhaps even seconds is this advancement is this progress the ability to decimate ourselves is this what the dinosaurs died for and the people during the countless wars that we have fought since we were cavemen and cavewomen and cavekids wow this is one long stream of consciousness rite scrabble game finished therefore post finished

thats it for now you know the rest im not gonna say it so ya ciao