کہ تمہارے قدموں کی خاق سے خدا انسان بنائے
(Ke tumhaare qadmon ki khaaq se Khuda insaan banaaye)
Selfistan - a land, well webpage, where all you see and read is stuff that I want you to see and read. Inspired by my constant ramblings and thought processes and by Salman Rushdie's quote on Selfistan in "Shalimar the Clown", Ramblings From Selfistan looks at the deeper and the not-so-deep aspects of life as I see it. Welcome to my world...
Thursday 31 December 2009
Wednesday 16 December 2009
Two Minds
I'm sitting at my desk, writing my last paper of the term and procrastinating by reflecting on the past few months. Without mincing words, they've been life-changing in multiple ways. Learning to live alone; moving to a new city; looking after myself as I have never before; not having my father to figure things out for me (i.e. banking, taxes, money etc, and understanding me), nor my mother to do what she's done her entire life (i.e the mundane stuff like laundry and food - I miss her food - and the more important like being my mommy), nor my sister to get me out of my various states of moodiness with her constant chatter and laughter - even when she's had a horrible day; not having my friends to bounce ideas off of, or even to hug/complain after a long day, or to do stupid things with; falling in love in multiple ways; questioning my principles and motives and everything about myself millions of times; having no friends and being forced to make them and to trust people more quickly than I've had to ever before; feeling completely disconnected from home and going back and seeing how much things had changed, how much I'd changed...
The first few weeks were complete hell. Even though the past month has been atrocious, what with the amount of work I've had, they've been memorable - in a good way. My random experiences, long nights and crazy times (seriously) at the library (I gave new meaning to the term 'catalogue model' one night, and played 'gangster' another) with friends, weekly Chinese food dates, prying ourselves away from the Internet and forcing ourselves to study for specific lengths of time without speaking, and the heart palpitations from Red Bull overload...it's been a good month.
So now, as I try to finish up this final paper on Iqbal, attempt to actually go into Midtown for the first time in weeks (that is, if I finish my work on time), and pack my bags to go home, I can't figure out what I'm actually feeling. I'm excited about going home and spending time with friends and family, but I'll miss this new life as well...
sigh
back to papering
The first few weeks were complete hell. Even though the past month has been atrocious, what with the amount of work I've had, they've been memorable - in a good way. My random experiences, long nights and crazy times (seriously) at the library (I gave new meaning to the term 'catalogue model' one night, and played 'gangster' another) with friends, weekly Chinese food dates, prying ourselves away from the Internet and forcing ourselves to study for specific lengths of time without speaking, and the heart palpitations from Red Bull overload...it's been a good month.
So now, as I try to finish up this final paper on Iqbal, attempt to actually go into Midtown for the first time in weeks (that is, if I finish my work on time), and pack my bags to go home, I can't figure out what I'm actually feeling. I'm excited about going home and spending time with friends and family, but I'll miss this new life as well...
sigh
back to papering
Monday 14 December 2009
Friday 11 December 2009
Beatles-Love
One of my favourite Beatles songs of all time. That girl wiping away tears? Ya - that's me...(I wish)
Thursday 10 December 2009
More Iqbal-Love
Again in more ways than one...
دیارِ عشق میں اپنا مقام پیدا کر
نیا زمانا نئے صبہ و شام پیدا کر
(In the world of love, create your own abode. Create a new age, a new night and day.)
نیا زمانا نئے صبہ و شام پیدا کر
(In the world of love, create your own abode. Create a new age, a new night and day.)
It's All About Love
I wrote in my previous post about how I was wondering whether to change the topic of my thesis or not, from one of Indian/Hindu nationalism to something about Iqbal (most probably the idea of destiny). Having thought about it for the past little while, I think I'll stick to my current topic for a bunch of reasons. That being said, this 'break' is going to be spent doing some serious soul searching and I may change my mind again. I can't wait to go home and shoot questions off of certain people - two in particular...
Anyway. As you've probably noticed, I've become more inspired by Iqbal as the semester has progressed, to the point where I know that I'll be learning Farsi soon, just so I can read his work in the original. My plan to go to Lucknow and learn Urdu over the summer (let's hope this materializes!) is also connected to this (and to my general obsession with Urdu poetry and literature).
One idea that Iqbal deals with constantly is the idea of Love. Not the romantic type of course, but the more spiritual one - one in which the love of G/god(s) and of the world are key. It's an inspiring philosophy. He speaks about how through love, we build ourselves, we strengthen ourselves and become better people. I won't go into it in too much detail here, but let's just say that the Ana al-Haq tattoo is becoming less important in face of the 'ishq one.
Don't necessarily like this representation of it - but you get the idea...
Anyway. As you've probably noticed, I've become more inspired by Iqbal as the semester has progressed, to the point where I know that I'll be learning Farsi soon, just so I can read his work in the original. My plan to go to Lucknow and learn Urdu over the summer (let's hope this materializes!) is also connected to this (and to my general obsession with Urdu poetry and literature).
One idea that Iqbal deals with constantly is the idea of Love. Not the romantic type of course, but the more spiritual one - one in which the love of G/god(s) and of the world are key. It's an inspiring philosophy. He speaks about how through love, we build ourselves, we strengthen ourselves and become better people. I won't go into it in too much detail here, but let's just say that the Ana al-Haq tattoo is becoming less important in face of the 'ishq one.
Don't necessarily like this representation of it - but you get the idea...
Monday 7 December 2009
Thesis Angst- UhOh....
So, I'm writing my Masters thesis on a specific aspect of Hindu Nationalism, one that hasn't been touched on before. One of my papers this term looks at the concept of nationalism from a European point of view, and is intended to be the start of my thesis.
I've read a bunch of books already and am still researching for the paper, but I can't seem to get passionate and excited about the topic. The Iqbal paper, on the other hand, is one that I'm so passionate about that I've been able to stay awake for about 20 hours just reading him and his beautiful work.
So do I change my thesis topic? Do I attempt to become an Iqbal scholar? If I write on Iqbal for my M.A Thesis, what do I do afterward? Oh no....
I thought I had at least one thing figured out in my life...I guess not.
Now, back to writing a paper on a bad poet....
I've read a bunch of books already and am still researching for the paper, but I can't seem to get passionate and excited about the topic. The Iqbal paper, on the other hand, is one that I'm so passionate about that I've been able to stay awake for about 20 hours just reading him and his beautiful work.
So do I change my thesis topic? Do I attempt to become an Iqbal scholar? If I write on Iqbal for my M.A Thesis, what do I do afterward? Oh no....
I thought I had at least one thing figured out in my life...I guess not.
Now, back to writing a paper on a bad poet....
Sunday 6 December 2009
Saturday 5 December 2009
More Late Night Philosophizing
This time with BKScope (whose blog has disappeared for some reason...).
B: Nabz what happened to you?
N: I started living alone, and far away, and realized that what I'd been chasing was right in front of me and I'd fled from it, chasing other dreams...And I started reading Iqbal...lol.
N: B, you need to live in NYC for 3 months. You see these people. They don't smile B. It's like they've forgotten how. Their version of happiness - making their money, being 'important'. And then partying. Living in this disgusting city. This sinful city. It tears you apart. And makes you something else: a robot; not yourself. We can't do this to our selves. Our God-given gifts aren't meant to be used for their purposes. I am truly convinced today that I am not meant to follow the path they're following. We need to create our own path. Not follow those that we've seen growing up in the worlds we've grown up in. Our brilliance - intellectual and otherwise - has never come from following the paths of those who have come before us. So why should we spend the rest of our lives doing exactly what we haven't been doing? At UBC, neither of us did what others were doing. And if we did, we did it as BKScope and Nabz. So why change? Why take the path more travelled? Why sit in a skyscraper with thousands of other people? For the money? For the feeling that we have power? For the ability to live in this city? It's all lights. The power goes out and you see what it really is. It's all an illusion, and everyone's trapped.
B: You are right...
N: We're lucky. We come from supportive families. We can afford - in more ways than one - to follow our hearts. So why not? Neither of us needs to make money to survive...so why not be ourselves and do what we love? What's stopping us apart from societal pressure? It'll be hard. Both of us want to change the world. But we'll do it in our own way. See...I don't want to wake up 20 years down the road, and realize that I've wasted the last 20-odd years in doing what someone else wants me to do, and realize that I haven't been truly happy, that I haven't been able to give myself to my husband or my children or my parents or my friends or family
B: ...and people love to construct dreams for others and many happily oblige.
N: I can't sacrifice the people around me for the illusion that I'm 'helping' people somewhere else.
B: hmmm...
N: And as a Marxist friend of mine says - 'helping people' is such a bourgeois concept.
B: Love the Marxists. My father comes from the same line of thought.
N: Lol. Don't waste yourself.
B: It's scary - to not conform. It's scary. Especially when you're told that it is the only way you'll be successful.
N: Remember. You're too important to sit in a skyscraper.
B: Nabz what happened to you?
N: I started living alone, and far away, and realized that what I'd been chasing was right in front of me and I'd fled from it, chasing other dreams...And I started reading Iqbal...lol.
N: B, you need to live in NYC for 3 months. You see these people. They don't smile B. It's like they've forgotten how. Their version of happiness - making their money, being 'important'. And then partying. Living in this disgusting city. This sinful city. It tears you apart. And makes you something else: a robot; not yourself. We can't do this to our selves. Our God-given gifts aren't meant to be used for their purposes. I am truly convinced today that I am not meant to follow the path they're following. We need to create our own path. Not follow those that we've seen growing up in the worlds we've grown up in. Our brilliance - intellectual and otherwise - has never come from following the paths of those who have come before us. So why should we spend the rest of our lives doing exactly what we haven't been doing? At UBC, neither of us did what others were doing. And if we did, we did it as BKScope and Nabz. So why change? Why take the path more travelled? Why sit in a skyscraper with thousands of other people? For the money? For the feeling that we have power? For the ability to live in this city? It's all lights. The power goes out and you see what it really is. It's all an illusion, and everyone's trapped.
B: You are right...
N: We're lucky. We come from supportive families. We can afford - in more ways than one - to follow our hearts. So why not? Neither of us needs to make money to survive...so why not be ourselves and do what we love? What's stopping us apart from societal pressure? It'll be hard. Both of us want to change the world. But we'll do it in our own way. See...I don't want to wake up 20 years down the road, and realize that I've wasted the last 20-odd years in doing what someone else wants me to do, and realize that I haven't been truly happy, that I haven't been able to give myself to my husband or my children or my parents or my friends or family
B: ...and people love to construct dreams for others and many happily oblige.
N: I can't sacrifice the people around me for the illusion that I'm 'helping' people somewhere else.
B: hmmm...
N: And as a Marxist friend of mine says - 'helping people' is such a bourgeois concept.
B: Love the Marxists. My father comes from the same line of thought.
N: Lol. Don't waste yourself.
B: It's scary - to not conform. It's scary. Especially when you're told that it is the only way you'll be successful.
N: Remember. You're too important to sit in a skyscraper.
Iqbal-Love: In more ways than one...
در بود و نبود من اندیشہ گمانہا داشت
از عشق ہویدا شد ایں نکتہ کہ ہسم من
(There were doubts about my being or not-being, but it was
only through love that I discovered the fact that I do exist.)
از عشق ہویدا شد ایں نکتہ کہ ہسم من
(There were doubts about my being or not-being, but it was
only through love that I discovered the fact that I do exist.)
Late-Night Philosophizing
As I said to the Yogi today,
Goddesses are made from ordinary women.
You can't find them.
Same with Gods.
We're the ones who put them on pedestals.
They don't come with the pedestals attached.
You can't find them.
Same with Gods.
We're the ones who put them on pedestals.
They don't come with the pedestals attached.
Barbies on the other hand...
Friday 4 December 2009
Nabz' Theme?
What are the chances? I was wandering through the World Wide Web earlier today and chanced upon the website of a Vancouver, BC-based photographer. Her pictures are absolutely gorgeous, and as I was flipping through them, a song I was familiar with, and had always loved, started playing in the background.
Latika's theme from Slumdog Millionaire.
It's an absolutely wonderful piece composed by A.R. Rahman (who's been nominated for a Grammy. WOOT!) and sung by Suzanne D'Mello. Anyway, as is usually the case with songs that I love, I started humming along. I kept on playing the song, and had it still running through my head as I went to take my afternoon nap.
Now the odd part is this. I've always felt that Akbar (my iPhone) can sense what's going on through my head, and plays songs accordingly when he's on shuffle. As I walked out of my apartment 30 minutes ago, to head to the library for another late-night studying session, I started a new shuffle session (as I usually do every morning). The first song was this random song that made me semi-dance all the way to the elevator, and the second one was....yes...Latika's theme. And I have 591 songs on my iPhone.
Weird no?
Anyway. Here's the song - classic viraha song don't you think?
Latika's theme from Slumdog Millionaire.
It's an absolutely wonderful piece composed by A.R. Rahman (who's been nominated for a Grammy. WOOT!) and sung by Suzanne D'Mello. Anyway, as is usually the case with songs that I love, I started humming along. I kept on playing the song, and had it still running through my head as I went to take my afternoon nap.
Now the odd part is this. I've always felt that Akbar (my iPhone) can sense what's going on through my head, and plays songs accordingly when he's on shuffle. As I walked out of my apartment 30 minutes ago, to head to the library for another late-night studying session, I started a new shuffle session (as I usually do every morning). The first song was this random song that made me semi-dance all the way to the elevator, and the second one was....yes...Latika's theme. And I have 591 songs on my iPhone.
Weird no?
Anyway. Here's the song - classic viraha song don't you think?
Thursday 3 December 2009
Faiz-Love
اشعار
رات یوں دل میں تری کھوئی ہوئی یاد آئی
جیسے ویرانے میں چپکے سے بہار آ جائے
جیسے صحرائوں میں ہولے سے چلے بادِ نسیم
جیسے بیمار کو بے وجہ قرار آ جائے
(Raat yuun dil mein teri kho'i hu'i yaad aa'i
Jaise viiraane mein chupke-se bahaar aa jaa'e
Jaise sahraaon mein haule-se chale baad-e-nasiim
Jaise biimaar ko be-wajah qaraar aa jaa'e)
رات یوں دل میں تری کھوئی ہوئی یاد آئی
جیسے ویرانے میں چپکے سے بہار آ جائے
جیسے صحرائوں میں ہولے سے چلے بادِ نسیم
جیسے بیمار کو بے وجہ قرار آ جائے
(Raat yuun dil mein teri kho'i hu'i yaad aa'i
Jaise viiraane mein chupke-se bahaar aa jaa'e
Jaise sahraaon mein haule-se chale baad-e-nasiim
Jaise biimaar ko be-wajah qaraar aa jaa'e)
Wisdom from the Yogi
Some wisdom from the Yogi on Selfistan and 'To Be Born Again First You Must Die'.
I was thinking:
If you want to change one small aspect of yourself you're going to change your whole being. Change doesnt come in discounts. It's large stock - Costco style.
If you want to change one small aspect of yourself you're going to change your whole being. Change doesnt come in discounts. It's large stock - Costco style.
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