Two Minds

I'm sitting at my desk, writing my last paper of the term and procrastinating by reflecting on the past few months. Without mincing words, they've been life-changing in multiple ways. Learning to live alone; moving to a new city; looking after myself as I have never before; not having my father to figure things out for me (i.e. banking, taxes, money etc, and understanding me), nor my mother to do what she's done her entire life (i.e the mundane stuff like laundry and food - I miss her food - and the more important like being my mommy), nor my sister to get me out of my various states of moodiness with her constant chatter and laughter - even when she's had a horrible day; not having my friends to bounce ideas off of, or even to hug/complain after a long day, or to do stupid things with; falling in love in multiple ways; questioning my principles and motives and everything about myself millions of times; having no friends and being forced to make them and to trust people more quickly than I've had to ever before; feeling completely disconnected from home and going back and seeing how much things had changed, how much I'd changed...

The first few weeks were complete hell. Even though the past month has been atrocious, what with the amount of work I've had, they've been memorable - in a good way. My random experiences, long nights and crazy times (seriously) at the library (I gave new meaning to the term 'catalogue model' one night, and played 'gangster' another) with friends, weekly Chinese food dates, prying ourselves away from the Internet and forcing ourselves to study for specific lengths of time without speaking, and the heart palpitations from Red Bull overload...it's been a good month.

So now, as I try to finish up this final paper on Iqbal, attempt to actually go into Midtown for the first time in weeks (that is, if I finish my work on time), and pack my bags to go home, I can't figure out what I'm actually feeling. I'm excited about going home and spending time with friends and family, but I'll miss this new life as well...

sigh

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